Merry Christmas

Posted on December 24, 2009

I hope this finds you all well! I pray blessings of joy and peace for all of my family, friends, and visitors this Christmas season!

I have uploaded a few songs from last year’s winter retreat with the FSU Wesley Foundation! My gift to you! Merry Christmas!

Two Things

Posted on December 11, 2009

I’ve realized today that there only two things that I am certain about beyond the shadow of a doubt:

1) There is a God who is personal, powerful, and loves me, that came to the world in the person Jesus, lived, died, and was raised physically from the dead, ascended into Heaven and remains alive, and sent the Holy Spirit - the tangible living presence of God - to live in us, His new dwelling place and temple, and work among us.

2) After working in the Church, for the state, and completing 2 out of 3 semesters for a Master’s in Business Administration, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I just don’t want to be stuck doing something that makes me miserable, working for a paycheck and finding no meaning, purpose, or joy in my labor.

It’s really hard, but I need to learn how to trust God again. It has been hard ever since I left Ocala. I had a purpose back then, a mission and a vision. I felt that God was going to bring me to a place to be his warrior, teaching and leading people into worship. Instead, I felt more like I had been fed to the wolves, left to fend for my very life: dry spiritually, depressed emotionally, drained physically… I felt abandoned. Moving back to Tallahassee was merely the better of two options: Tallahassee and home. And returning to school was also merely a lack of options: grad school or trying to find another job in a crashing market. I chose graduate school not so much out of the desire for knowledge, but because it was a legitimate excuse to borrow money to live off of since I had no income and little savings left.

Though despite it all, even in my pessimistic view of the past, I have to acknowledge that I have never missed a meal, never been unable to pay a bill, never been uncomfortable… Everything has always been provided in one way or another, whether through savings, family, or borrowing. Understanding the first point should be enough to trust God, shouldn’t it? Truly knowing that the creator and maintainer of the universe loves me and is working for me should take some worry and anxiety off of my shoulders… dealing with the wounds of Ocala has made trusting God with my future difficult. I know I don’t want to work in sales, and I know I don’t want to work a miserable mundane job that I’d find no enjoyment in. I pray for clarity and vision for my heart, to know what I truly want for my life vocationally and the means to pursue it.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Posted on March 17, 2009

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I , Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not nor man’s emptly praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are

High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all

There have been a couple of big news bits since my last post. First, in mid February I was accepted to the Masters in Business Administration program at FSU and will start this Summer. Toward the end of February I lost my job at the Department of Environmental Protection. God’s teaching me a lot about trusting Him again and looking to Him to meet my daily needs.

I am also working on some recordings from the FSU Wesley Foundation’s winter retreat we had in January. We will be releasing a 2-CD album of live music from the retreat as soon as we finish compiling, editting, and mastering the tracks. I’ve been given the daunting task of handling that project, but with my newly found free time it should be an exciting way to serve and use my gifts and knowledge to bless others. I’ll be in the “studio” with the assistant director of the Wesley Foundation, Trevor, on Wednesday and Thursday of this week to start this project. Look for new recordings of both me and other musicians at Wesley coming soon!

Wisdom in Humility

Posted on January 7, 2009

The path of the righteous is like the first glean of dawn,
Shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
They do not know what makes them stumble.
-Proverbs 4: 18-19

When I first read this verse, a small fear arose in my heart: “[the wicked] do not know what makes them stumble.” I thought to myself, do the wicked know they are wicked? Do the foolish know they are foolish? If not, than how would someone know if they’re foolish, or wicked? For if a fool cannot see his foolishness and a wise man has no foolishness, it leaves the observation of foolishness to be a paradox.

While contemplating this paradox I thought of two possible answers. The first was that we know that we are wise when we recognize the foolishness of others. But even a fool can recognize the foolishness of his brother, and is even quicker to do so! Therefore, the ability to recognize the foolishness of others is not a valid measure of wisdom.

Then a second thought came to my heart. If a foolish man cannot recognize his foolishness, perhaps the root of foolishness is the inability to recognize it in himself. Hence, a foolish man is foolish because he does not recognize his foolishness. Scripture says that the wisdom of man is but foolishness to God; for that reason, perhaps true wisdom is found in recognizing that we are foolish. Perhaps wisdom is found in humbling ourselves before God, understanding that we are foolish and that He alone is wise, and making ourselves lower so that He may be lifted higher. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” and that Hebrew fear is not one of terror, but of awe and reverence; it is a fear that calls us to humble ourselves and exalt God in His greatness.

There is wisdom in humility; moreover, there is humility in wisdom, for the truly wise man knows that his wisdom is not his own, but is only that which the Father has given him. If you seek true wisdom, than humble yourself and fear the Lord. Seek after the knowledge of His mind and the revelation of His heart.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
But with humility comes wisdom.”
-Proverbs 11:2

Love

Posted on December 31, 2008

If you truly love someone, then it must be from God. Real love cannot exist apart from God because God is love. If God is love, and God is always good and right, than love must always be good and right.

I find that God often leads us with love. To follow God is to follow love. Love can be used in the process of discernment. God doesn’t always flat out answer the question “is this right?”, but rather ask God “does this facilitate true love?” And not just the emotion of love, that passionate desire for someone or something, but true love - love that seeks its object’s well-being above anything else. True love is sacrificial in nature. And Jesus shows us the perfect example of what true love is.

In the garden the night Jesus was arrested, He struggled in prayer for hours with the Father over the trials that would come the next day. The result of His discernment was the understanding that He loves us truly and fully. The answer was love: the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus’s love for us is not just an emotional connection, nor is it merely an obligatory care for us as our Father. It is AGAPE… love that has no predetermined conditions and no expectations… it is love for the sake of loving, based purely on choice.

That is the way God has called us to love each other: without condition… without expectation… by choice… not to get something out of it, but because God first loved us and gave Himself for us.

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